Amanda Allmark is a Personal Transformation Coach with a difference. She is grounded, real and speaks from both her own experiences and her heart. She will be joining us for a summer special in our Portobello Rd store on 20th August for a talk about Standing in your own self-worth. We'd LOVE for you to join us!
Ahead of her talk, we caught up with Amanda to discover how standing in your own self-worth can be so damn sexy!
It kind of feels obvious that we should all stand in our worth, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we are always completely successful at doing so. There are so many reasons why we can struggle and I think that one of the most obvious reasons is the importance we place on what other people think, say or do and if we are not fully able to separate ourselves from that, before we know it, we can allow ourselves to be defined by other peoples values, opinions and projections. You can’t change another person and the way they behave, but you can certainly change the way you approach any given situation.
My sense is that people who struggle to ‘stand in their own worth’ do one of two things: they either diminish or shrink themselves to overcompensate for some kind of lack in another or, they do the opposite they attempt to diminish or shrink others to over inflate who they are. Neither stance is either healthy or, in the long term, sustainable and does not make for a happy balanced life. Whatever approach you take all it does is perpetuates a cycle to reinforce that somehow you are unworthy.
I very often draw on my own experiences to evidence what I have learned and how those experiences have pushed me to accept who I am, and ultimately to stand in my own worth.
It feels a little odd writing about this subject and even believing that on some level I really did allow others to take me away from who I am. In fairness I have had some pretty dedicated and ruthless teachers, but I am happy to say in spite of their determination to prove otherwise, today I stand fully in my own worth and nothing and no-one can take that away, and after all the hard work that I have put in I certainly ain’t going to give it away to anyone, whether I love them or not.
It is perhaps in our relationships, where there are natural emotions and feelings invested, that the potential to diminish who we are can so easily happen. If someone is imposing some kind of control or condition on your life, so that ultimately you are left compromising something in you, they are certainly not coming from a loving place, they are projecting what they lack on to you. It is when you find yourself dancing to another persons’ tune that I believe that you are, perhaps subconsciously, carrying the responsibility for their behaviour. When that responsibility lands on your shoulders and you choose to carry it, not only will it feel incredibly heavy, but you will strengthen a very negative internal message.
Nobody has the right to diminish you to feed their own lack, but if you allow them to, believe me they will persist in doing so. Why? Because on some level it works for them, it stops them having to deal with their own fears and inner demons and acts as some kind of free tranquilliser. If you don’t challenge negative behaviour because of a fear of loss or rejection you will just continue to shrink who you are.
Standing in your worth is about showing up authentically; living by your own truth; encompassing those values that sit with you for the positive and I believe, and this is a really important one, learning to separate yourself from the negative projections of others so you don’t own, absorb or become unwittingly defined by them. Ultimately authenticity and having a strong self image are pretty damn sexy, and the most amazing thing is that when you truly understand and encompass that you will absolutely know that nothing and no-one ever really has the power to take your worth away, apart, of course, from you!